Ville Valo Bizarre Magazine Interview

Women love Ville Valo- with his 'kinda mooody but cheeky Romany Johnny Depp from a certain angle' thing going on, so many girls throw themselves at him he could recreate the 1913 Derby everytime he leaves his hotel room.

And Villes band HIM are the planet's finest exponent of 'love'metal', which is the romance and emotional yearning of a Barbara Cartland novel with Sabbath riths.

"We're like northern vikings, pillaging and looting but wearning condoms and soft velvet gloves", he says. Goloves? "Yeah we can't fuck up our hands becasue then we couldn't play our instruments

Do you have a nickname?

Cunt Crakula, like a cunt who smokes crack. My very speical friends call me that. You run out of jokes pretty fast on a tour bus.

Was there a crack-fuelled rampage where you ended up sucking someone's blood?

Not yet. I'm working on it, though! I'm not famous or wealthy enough to do an escaped like that and not go to jail for the rest of my life. I'll try to wirte a few well-known songs and then do a whole Rick James type of thing

Do you dream of being above the law?

It's my ultimate goal and dream in life to become an all-in-one mutation of James brown, Rick James, O.J and maybe Michael Jackson.

You used to work in your fathers sex shope. Have you ever been in a british sex shop?

It seems to be really kinky. Theres not a lot of a what you call normal porn. You've got a lot of kinky shit going on in England. You've got your British housewives and all that S&M going on. And the male population of England seems to be obsessed with elderly women spreading their legs for an hour-and-a-half on a DVD and doing things that some people might concider groteseque.

Elderly women?

Not like grannies, like house-wives. Women in their 50's and sagging as well [bloody hell, what englishmen has he been hanging out with it]

Is that what Europe thinks of British men?

It's what I think of British men. We decided that once they shut the lace curtains there must be some kinky S&M action going on. We went to Nottingham and got a lot of lace and decorate our tourbus, but unfortunetly nothing happened.

If your father came to you and said he need a Ville-themed item to keep the business afloat, would you mould your cock for him?

We were actually thinking that one day when the band is over we'd make a set of the bands cocks, because the shapes and sizes very, so it would be a very beautiful five-piece set. Probably every female or man in the world would find something that would satisfy them in that set.

So you think the gentiles of every member of HIM respectively could satisfy everone in the whole world?

I sincerly do.

What would you call the whole range? HIM 4 HER?

There are various angles. That woudl satisfy the basic customers. I would use the high class materials like ebony and stuff rather than using rubber.

Classy.

They're starting to do that kind of stuff in the stations, where everything is hi-tech and so beautiful you can put it on your mantelpiece beside your family pictures and no one would notice. Apart from maybe by the stench, depending on how well you cleaned it.

If your contribution to the HIM 4 HER hight-class-dildo set could play one particular song to highten the experience, what would you go for?

'sleepwalking past hope' off of Venus Doom is 10 minutes long, which would help when you have a really hard time getting it up. The acoustic song 'song or suicide' only lasts for a minute and it definetly never wants you to think about sex again, so it's also good for the kids when they're not mentally prepared for it. I'm doing the job of the vatican at the same time as selling dildos.

Everyone is going to want one.

The thing is, it does everything for you. Its works as a beautiful piece of art. You can buy it for five of your best friends and then everybody has one. You can wear it as a necklace. If your underage, when you turn it on it plays a song so meloncholy that you never want to have sex again, which means pre-marital-sex is out of the question. And when you're old enough that youre totally deaf and the song doesn't matter, you can just shove it in any hole you want. You could be listening to Manowar while pushing those anal beads right up your arse.


no scans yet

And the male population of England seems to be obsessed with elderly women spreading their legs for an hour-and-a-half on a DVD and doing things that some people might consider groteseque.
omg bah no matter, i still want to go'n live in England

was a very hilarious read ..especially the part with the" five piece set " , reminds me of the other interview with de cv's for a girlfriend
Ville and his crazy ideas

oh yeah, the cv's :roflmao: where do we have to apply